It was like any other Monday in the office at the creative agency in London where I was working as a receptionist, with its bustling atmosphere and lively ambiance, but this normality suddenly came to an end when three intruders came into the building. With their rugged, unkempt clothes and intimidating faces, it was clear that they were nor clients nor couriers. When I confronted them to leave, one of the men called me the ‘n’ word. Suddenly, this normal day became one of shock, confusion and pain. As a black woman, I had always been aware that racism exists and was always ready to stand up for who I am. Yet I had never been confronted with that word, and it hurt me to know that I was being treated poorly because of the color of my skin.
As the men left the building with ease and pride, I retaliated with harsh words while trying to process what just happened. As I came back in and let my manager know, I came to my reflection on my laptop screen and trembled while trying to hold it together. Much of the day went on like this, until, upon leaving the office that day, I put on my small snake-effect black over-the shoulder bag, and I felt a sense of calm for the first time during that heavy day.
When I think back to that day at work, I felt sad and afraid yet my bag felt like a shield of protection and self-guard. With it on, I felt an element of control and I felt as though it was a way of carrying on through this difficult moment. It was a way of keeping my head up and saying ‘fuck you’ to those who had aggressively targeted me for the color of my skin.
KAREN’S PICK: LITTLE LIFFNER Baby Boss lizard-effect leather tote £320.00 | Click to shop.
The bag’s clean-cut shape as well as its simple yet detailed design felt like a representation of my identity as a young black woman in society. Its leather material represented a strong armor. The bag’s small size did nothing to dim its complexity and beauty as an accessory. It was an extension of myself and who I was becoming: a woman of strength, power and originality. This experience is one of many when a visual cue helped me feel and interpret an event in a different way. Sometimes, what we wear can be a catalyst in aiding our mental health and igniting positive attitudes and feelings about our identity. And so this incident reminded me of another time of tribulation that was turned around and heightened thanks to a sartorial trigger.
We had all gotten dressed up to go to a family friend’s surprise 50th birthday party and after being told that jeans weren’t and could not be considered part of formal attire (I beg to differ), I settled on a yellow velvet skirt. This birthday celebration was a particularly special one for my parents, as it was the first time since my stepfather’s cancer diagnosis that my mother and him had seen all of their friends gathered together in one room. It was an emotional time, particularly for my mother who was not only a wife, but also a carer for her husband. As I saw her eyes glisten with tears while being physically embraced by old friends, I realized the strength that my mother had carried through this difficult period.
As the birthday candles were blown and speeches said, I glanced over at the next table, checking to see how my mother was. She was smiling, but was carrying a flinch of pain behind her eyes.
The dance floor was cleared and the music – upbeat, joyful Afrobeats – grew loud. It was time to dance. Dancing and twirling in my yellow velvet skirt, I realized that there was one person missing – my mom. After pleading numerous times, I finally took her by the arm and willed myself into her dance partner. As I twirled my mother along on the dancefloor, for those few moments, life's hardships fled and every twist and turn represented a turning tide in emotions between mother and daughter. The skirt's lustrous velvety texture, swirling movement and golden yellow shine created a happy cocoon around us and enhanced the dreamlike feel of our dance together. In a moment of darkness, this skirt’s optimistic aesthetic represented joy and hope. Its uniqueness brought a smile to everyone who was watching. Suddenly, things didn’t look so bad and there was light at the end of the tunnel. There’s something about yellow velvet.
KAREN’S PICK: NACKIYÉ Topkapi belted velvet midi dress, £755.00 | Click to shop.
But life’s darkness isn’t always about poignant yet poetic moments like this one. More often, there’s that general low-level anxiety about the uncertainties of life that plagues most of us, as I know it does me. No matter what I try and do to overcome these existential moments, it can feel impossible to feel even relatively in control. What do you wear for this? Enter faux fur. Known for its internal warmth and comfy exterior – this winter style staple has done a lot more than protect me from damp London cold.
I purchased my first faux-fur coat earlier this season. While I expected it to be cozy, I didn’t expect it to bring on a wave of confidence every time I put it on. With its fluffy texture, high collar and internal warmth, it makes me feel protected and ready to face whatever comes my way. (Especially when paired with blue jeans, black boots and a pair of avant garde sunglasses - this is my go-to battle look.) Self-doubt sinks away into each fiber, and suddenly, instead of merely walking the streets, I feel like I own them.
KAREN’S PICK: VINCE Belted faux fur coat, £585.00 | Click to shop.
They say that clothes are an outward reflection of who we are as people, yet we often neglect acknowledging the way they make us feel. While none of us are problem-free in this world, the choices we make in how we dress, can bring a change in mindset in connection to our problems. Whether it’s a bag or just a top, the visual representation of ourselves has a direct effect on how we feel about the person we see in the mirror every day. And I choose for it to be a good one.
In the world of post-pandemic dressing, one word has taken social media by storm: cheugy (pronounced: chew-gee). In the worlds of fashion and lifestyle, cheugy describes a look, a thing or a person that’s considered out of date.